Yup, that was me.
21 and divorced.
That was a crazy time in my life.
I moved out of the house 1 day past my 18th birthday to head to Utah for School, my high school “sweet heart” stayed behind.
1 year later he followed in my footsteps and moved to Utah to be closer to me.
8 months later, at the young age of 19, I was engaged
1 year later I was married at 20 years old – the whole shebang – a large wedding just like I always dreamed
and a whole 9 months later – I was DIVORCED at 21.
Source: google.com via Brittany on Pinterest
I wish I could pin point exactly what went wrong, but I know deep down it was never the right thing to do. We got swept up into the idea of being “Married”, sure we loved each other, but I don’t believe we got married solely for those reasons.
I remember walking down the aisle with my dad by my side, both of us with tears in our eyes
only my tears were for fear…I knew right then it wasn’t right
what do you do? turn and be one of those “run away brides” or put an effort in and hope for the best
I kept walking and hoped for the best.
It was ME, I was the one to say…THIS IS IT. We need to part ways. I know deep down he knew it was the right thing to do, and best for both of us, but it was still ME the one to “break us apart”. It was a hard decision to make.
It was a hard time in my life. Looking back probably even harder than I imagined it would have been.
Not only was I only 21 years old, recently Divorced, living in a different state than my family. But, I was ALONE for the first time in my WHOLE 21 years of life.
in high school you have your family, in college you have room mates, but DIVORCED…you get yourself. ALL ALONE IN AN EMPTY QUITE HOME.
I didn’t know who I was…I couldn’t figure out who ME was. It took a lot of trial and error to become the person I have today.
I clung to my friends, I did whatever it was they were doing to try to “fit in”. drinking, smoking, partying, staying up late….that wasn’t me
I tried retail therapy, and as much fun as that was to shop til I dropped every weekend that only left me with large credit cards bills at the end of each month which DIDN’T help me to feel better…that wasn’t me
I tried having an eating disorder, maybe if I was really skinny I would feel better…uumm ya I like to eat too much for that – it didn’t work and I only ended up gaining weight – that wasn’t me
Source: Uploaded by user via Brittany on Pinterest
SO WHO WAS I? how do I find myself, how do I figure out how to be 21 and DIVORCED?
Sometimes I wonder if I really have ever truly found myself….
I was only alone and trying to be me for 3 months before I met my current husband. We moved fast…just a few months after dating we moved in together. So I guess I still really haven’t been totally on my own. I think it is a daily struggle to truly find who we are. I have a better idea of it now, but still think about it from time to time.
what if I did THIS…. would things be different? What if I would have done THAT…would things be different?
I guess we will truly never know…..and I can only hope that the decision I have made good and bad will only make me a stronger person now and in the future.
But deep down I am still that girl that was divorced at 21.
Source: stumbleupon.com via Brittany on Pinterest
Oh my! It’s crazy how much alike you and I are. I actually got married at 18 and my husband and I split right before I turned 21. We had a brief separation at some point in between there too. We split up in march and I met my soon to be husband in May, right after my 21st birthday. My ex and I weren’t even actually divorced. MY current and I went super fast, even getting pregnant within a year of us knowing each other.
When my ex and I split I did all the drinking and partying. I did the retail therapy. I did all the same things. It’s nice to know you aren’t the only one who went/is going through those things.
Thanks for your honest writing.
Casey
Casey,
I am so glad you have found your happiness now! I think we will always struggle to figure out “who we are” but we all deserve to be happy while doing it! xoxo
Hi Brittany!
Your post was so moving. I struggled for a few years in and post high school and felt like I’d never figure out who I was or what I wanted. I have now found strength in the gospel of Jesus Christ and have found my dream husband (now married almost 6 years!) and I have two adorable little boys! Sorry to sound preachy! :) Sometimes your struggles build your strength so you can be the BEST YOU when you figure it all out. Thanks for sharing this! You (& your blog!) are amazing! :) So glad you blog and share your talents with all of us!
Stop by for a visit!
xoxo, Mallory @ Classy Clutter
I just turned 18 in August and went to college a couple weeks after that 30 minutes from my hometown. My boyfriend is somewhat older than me, 22 to be exact and here lately all his friends are getting engaged, married, and a couple have even had children and here I am the young one just starting college and beginning my journey. Reading your story really helped me see not to rush into things. Although nothing as serious as a wedding has come up in our talks, I now feel more comfortable explaining how I want to enjoy my younger years first. Thanks for sharing :)
Katelyn, someone once told me with my first husband…
“If you truly are going to be together forever, what is your hurry in getting married right now”. I wish I would have listened. I think with marriage {at least in my experience} Time is on your side…the older you are the more wisdom and experiences you have to grow and learn from :) Enjoy your youth, I wish I would have done more and experience more while I could have.
I loved that you shared this.
Such a hard thing, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain, lonliness and confusion. LOL I already have enough of that in my life, let alone bring a boy into the mix.
You are the best! And you’re beautiful & funny & I’m so glad we’ve become friends through work! Keep your chin up!!
Steph
PS I’ll send you some of those pics soon. Promise :)
I am 22 and about to go through a divorce. The only difference is that I have a young child. I have had to be the one that was strong and say that I didn’t want this anymore. He was drinking and using up all of our money for this. I am currently a stay-at-home mom, but thats all about to change, because I have to get a job to support my daughter and myself. We have just talked about what we want to do, we are still living together, and it gets harder everyday.
How did you know when to have the other one move out?
Hey Julie,
I am going through the same thing you are. Except he is a responsible person and it was his choice to end the relationship. If you read my comment below you will understand my situation. Obviously if he moves out now, how can you financially survive? But if he stays, you are subjecting your daughter to being around an alcoholic (a childhood that I unfortunately experienced).
I know it is a difficult decision, patience is the hardest thing to have. But it will all work out. God is powerful and let Him do the work in your life.
Julie,
In this situation it is truly so hard to give advice, each situation is so unique. Me and my ex lived together for a few weeks before he moved out, even knowing we were going to be “divorced”. But we are both from California and he had no where else to go.
I would suggest talking to him and seeing what his options are to stay somewhere else for a while. Maybe even temporarily while you guys can think things out and see a plan for the future of how this will all work out. Best of luck to you! xoxo
Thank you for this post! It is so empowering. I am going through a major life change right now. 26 year old mom of a three year old separated from the father after four years, but still living with him because I have no where to go, no money, no job as I finish up my B.A. I don’t feel like me. I am not a wife anymore, but I’m not completely single either. I don’t have anything to call my own. But as I take this journey into finding who I am again, and learning to be myself again, I am learning so much. The quote you put up last is so awesome, and is exactly how I feel. I have no choice but to be strong! One day I will figure it all out.
Katrina,
That quote is the perfect saying and SO true…
you never know how STRONG you are until STRONG is your only option!
That is you, You can do this, you are strong! It isn’t going to be easy but you deserve happiness no matter where that is or who it’s with! :) I know things will work out for you, I know you will get through this! Just take one day at a time…don’t try to figure it all out at once!
xoxo
Thank you for your bravery in posting this! I was married at 19 and divorced right before I turned 21, too. People are always shocked when they find out (I don’t tell many people). I have been debating whether I should post something about it on my blog this week, so it’s interesting you did too! Thank you!
I enjoyed reading your honest story. This is the journey for all of us, huh? To find out who we really are and be content with who we are. And who of us doesn’t make a few mistakes along the way? Best wishes for peace in your journey.
:)
love your honesty, and heartwarming way of writing…I love to read your blog just for this reason. You show such strength. ((hugs to you for sharing your story)))
yep, I could have written this word for word.
i’m currently at that ‘alone’ state and trying to cope. it is funny how we try to keep ourselves so busy! thank goodness for my kiddos. but when they are away with their Dad, the quiet house is enough to drive me mad!
Terri,
Being alone can be so hard…especially when your emotions are so high! I know you will get through this. The quote on the bottom of my page is the PERFECT one for you {heck for most of us} – Stay strong. I know you can! xoxo
I’m so glad you told this story. I love you!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! You truely never know how your words will touch someone! And love the beautiful artwork/quotes that you’ve intermingled too! Have a beautiful day!
Your story is very moving. I had countless friends get married at a very very young age (my husband’s mother even married his dad at the ripe age of 16!!) and I have got to say that even though I personally didn’t get married until I was 22 (which still could be considered young), I can relate because most all, actually all of my friends which married right out of high school are now divorced (all also have children).
I think it is wonderful that you were finally able to find yourself and share your story with others. I hope that God blesses you in your new life and with your husband.
-Laura-
Hum, yep I was there, married at 19, no one ever said I was to young, isn’t that odd! I was married for 15 years and then dropped like a hot potato for the younger secretary. Oh, I know alone!! It’s a terrible feeling! I pushed myself, took a challenging job that paid well and I made a better life for myself than I ever would have had if I was still married. I always thought I would remarry, but I never did, I just never trusted again, kind of sad, but it has been a wonderful life. You will find yourself, you can’t push it, it will just happen!
Carol
Carol, That is so inspiring to know that you were able to push forward and make a better life for yourself! Thank you for sharing your story…I hope all of us who have been through this can take after you ;)
Brittany I think you are right I don’t think we ever finish finding ourselves. It does help to be surrounded by people we love and who love us no matter what. I have been married 10 years now and I am still figuring out who I am. I have been a stay at home wife/Mother my entire marriage and next year both of my girls will be in school. It is scary cause I have no idea what I am going to do with myself. I am slowly finding my passion and trying to figure out where I want to go with it. Thank you for sharing your story!
LOVE this post Brittany! Your honesty is so respectable. :) We need to get together next time you are in CA! :)
Girl, you are FABULOUS! Thank you so much for sharing this. Your honesty is truly phenomenal and inspires me to be more honest with myself and in my blogging ways. You are a ray of light!
Happy November to you!
xo.
I’m glad to know your story now. I am 29 and have never been alone. I’m fearful that I too may not completely know me and it’s a constant struggle. Some days it feels like I’m having an identity crisis, lol. xoxo
awesome blog, do you have twitter or facebook? i will bookmark this page thanks.
My blog:
dsl anbieter und Vergleich
This was so beautiful and honest.
wow, I had no idea. that would be so tough, but if it wasn’t right, good to do it sooner rather than later. You look to be so happy now, for the best;)
it was a really good thing you were honest with yourself so you got to meet the real you. i feel that is what we all have to do even though sometimes its hard to let go
Hey girl I know how you feel I recently got married 9 months ago I was 19 now 20 and I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I love my husband and I believe he loves me more but I don’t even know myself and I want to know someone else. Walking down the isle I was thinking the same thing. I want a seperation for a while just to figure things out but knowing him he wouldn’t want me to come back I know this would be hard and I don’t want to be selfish but I can’t take this anymore I don’t want to get a divorced i just pray he give me sometime. Honestly I only married him because I was afraid to lose him as a person I called off my wedding like two months before and he said if we don’t do this you have to go I got scared and being so crazy I did it knowing I wasn’t ready. I just feel so closed in like I don’t have a mind if my own and it’s driving me crazy. I will come with an update after the new year I will have this heart to heart with him for the new year. Later for now
well im 21 years old and working on my second divorce married one marine after knowing him a month then got divorced 4 months later. then married my husband the day before my 21st birthday and now 9 months later we are getting divorced. have been separated for two months already and its killing me. he was the one to call it quits because apparently i had changed, was a witch, and was boring in bed. i found out he has had a gf for about 4 months and still doesnt know that i know about her but keeps telling me he loves and misses me i could not be more confused